Lunch Dogs 8- Spanish Rice

Señors Y Señores:

This is perhaps the Last Benchdogs Post Of The Year . No, it's DEFINITELY the last one, and I'll tell you why.  I don't have any more video to edit! That's it... done... finished... ended... Kaput!

So is this the end of Bench Dogs?

You're not that lucky.

No, this is simply the end of 2008. And with that, the end of season 1. We've released approximately 40 videos, which I know is a lot for a single season, but I pattern myself after the great Trace Beaulieu of Mystery Science Theater 3000 fame, whose first season was largely experimental, and now terribly difficult to find. So you'd better watch 'em all now, before they disappear, only to rear their ugly heads in future years on a series of expensive DVDs available for your purchasing pleasure!

Wow. 40 videos. Actually, I can't be certain of the number because of the haphazard way they all came together-- different formats, subject matter and lengths, different editing techniques and looks-- why, the only thing that tied them all together was the name 'Bench Dogs'! Some were 2-parters... one was a 4-parter... one was released twice (once with titles and once with voice-overs)... some were promos... some were just 60 seconds long! But I guess there are no rules in the new land of Internet TV shows. Heck, there isn't even a schedule. Now, watching video content  is like going to the library... just go to a section, pick a book and start reading!

But now I wax philosophic. It's the last day of 2008 and I'm reminiscing, I guess. But I did have a point. This last episode of the year is a cooking show. Some of you sawdust heads may groan, but I staunchly hold my view that Bench Dogs is about MAKING STUFF, and while that mostly means making stuff out of wood, it isn't LIMITED to the dusty arts. When we pick up again in aught-nine, a decision may be made to keep the cooking shows in a separate place with a new name... OR IT MAY NOT. Like I said... no rules.

You may notice that once again, I am cooking not a full meal, not a main course, but a side dish. I have my reasons. One of which is that youtube refuses to publish any video over 10 minutes in length. Not 10 minutes, 1 second. I know, I've tried. So any complex meal would have to be split up into multiple parts. So, that's what I'm doing. When my library is sufficiently padded I'll be able to say things like, "Use the main course from episode 42, the vegetable from episode 90, the dessert from episode 186 and the bread from episode 1735 and you'll have an elegant feast." Won't that be fun.

This series of meals is spanish in flavor, and that's because I live down here in Los Angeles. There are more Mexican Restaurants, Cuban Cantinas, El Salvadorian Sopa stands and Costa Rican Roach Coaches here than there are spanish street names. When I came here from New York in 1985, I was used to hot dog stands featuring kraut and red onions, and Italian restaurants serving sizzling pizza by the slice... and don't even get me started on Sliders! So Mexican food was new and exciting, and of course spicy and fattening, and I became a huge fan. Then I went on a diet and became a normal-sized fan.

Spanish rice is one of those sides you can make by the bushel, store in the fridge or freezer, and pop out anytime as a mouth-watering addition to almost any dish. The tomato, garlic and onion flavors mix tantalizingly in your mouth, and... and... oh, I gotta go eat some RIGHT NOW. Watch the video!

HAPPY       NEW        YEAR!

Pete's Christmas Gift To His Daughter!

This isn't an official Bench Dogs episode, but believe me, it fits all the criteria. Pete made a great gift for his little one in the shop at the same time as we were creating the magical Xmas Tree episode (you DID watch it, didn't you? Hmmmmmmmm?), and then edited the footage for his family album. But as I've said, the checklist has been met. This video:

        • Is all about making something;

        • Takes place in the shop;

        • Is NOT excessively wordy;

        • Has "Bench Dogs" written somewhere; and

        • Has ME in it.

Plus, it was edited by the true master, Pete, and so the titles are OFF THE HOOK. 

So watch and enjoy. It's okay if you shed a tear.

Episode- Oktøberfest

Groan... Where Am I?

Oh yeah.... SNIFFF... ouch! My head! Don't talk so loud, willya!?!? Wait-- there's nobody here. It must be the voice in my head telling me what an idiot I am for drinking so much at Oktoberfest last night.

Wait. HEY, is this calendar right? How long have I been passed out? If that's the right date up there then I've been unconscious for, like, 80 days... can that be right?

Oh, Pete left a note.  Lemme open it... ahem. It reads:

                      "I just woke up. We've been unconscious for 80 days. 

                        No more Alpine Lager for me. 

                        By the way, we videotaped the whole thing. 

                        Edit it. 

                        Advil is in the laundry hamper.

                        Pete."

So whatever I did back on Oktøber 10, you can watch it. There might have been dancing. I remember a wall of cups. 

Oboy, I just realized something. I can do this all over again on Wednesday---  that's New Year's Eve! And if the same properties apply, I'll come out of my stupor in 80 days... just in time for my BIRTHDAY. Lather, rinse, repeat and it's July 4th. One more time and we're back to Oktøberfest. 

I think I just figured out how to get through this Recession depression!

Skaøl!

Happy Holidays to all, and may you break all your New Year's resolutions!

Episode- Xmas Tree

Ho Ho How Ya Doin'? 

The winter rite of Festivus is upon us, for those of you who practice. If you don't, fear not... we'll get to your holiday soon enough. Meanwhile, it fell to me to create an apt symbol of this post-harvest holiday, here in this ever-greening world. And not that the holiday couldn't use some greening-- between the massive yearly slaughter of innocent spruces and the deluge of torn and discarded wrapping paper, this season makes up most of the year's waste, I'll warrant.  

For me, a Christmas tree is all about the finely crafted decorations, the bright and twinkly lights and the delicate and sparkly garland. So this year I decided to MAKE a Chanukah bush (one changes to the other depending on decorations, right?), using terrible old packing crate plywood. That's it. There's not a fastener in the whole tree. The entire thing disassembles into flat pieces in 5 minutes! Is that not a top-shelf Ramadan shrub or what? Who could ask for better greenery? It assembles using half-slot joints, in five tiers, with circular joining plates between each layer. I originally wanted to bolt everything together, but it proved to be very sturdy even without fasteners. Just the way a Kwanzaa brier should be.

M      E       R       R      Y       /      H     A     P      P      Y       !

          A NOTE TO YOU, OUR LOYAL VIEWING PUBLIC

The end of the year approach-eth, and so does the close of our first season. When we return, we plan to update our cameras (from crappy, to one step above crappy); our sound equipment (from none to some); and our lighting (from whatever was on hand, to measuring it with a meter, at least). And the layout of our episodes will be more uniform: the same intros and outros; similar subject matter (no more singing episodes!); and we may even write a script... or at least an outline. All this will happen gradually, for our constant pleas for money from you, our loyal viewing public, has left us with nada. Nil. Zippo. Bare coffers (and I think one of you actually took some saltines from the coffers). So as usual, it all comes down to a generous donation from... mom.

Episode- Bench Dogs Bench

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere's Brucie!

Thank you, thank you... thank you all for sitting at your desks in your long johns and clicking on this blog... it means so much to me that you put that much effort into joining me.  Pretty soon you won't even have to read, once you click the play button... you can lie back, cram your mouth fulla Lunch Dog meatballs and watch the episode as the consummate Bench potato you are!

Here we are, another in a long line of episodes that were started a lo-o-o-ong time ago but are only now seeing the light of day. I can explain.

We were novices.

Yeah, we did things all wrong, made things too long, and did 'em for a song. Our mistake(s). But we have since trimmed the fat, learned from our flubs and picked up some tools of the trade to make it all look a little prettier. Of course, then we load it onto the web at a vastly reduced quality, and you are left with some pretty ragged-looking product. 

At some point we will release a high-quality copy of the entire first season for purchase by you, dear viewer, on a finely-bound series of discs, complete with never-before-seen footage, deleted scenes and the coveted gag reel! Best of all, we will reveal to you our favorite brands of imported ale, so you may send them to us by the case. But that's down the road apiece, for we still know not what we are doing.

Ahem. Back to the episode. We actually shot this one on the heels of the four-part plywood table episode. Mostly because after the table was built, Peter needed some seating for it. So he dragged a few dozen board feet of some salvaged wood over to the shop, massaged my ego, picked my brain and came up with these beauties! Way to go, pumpkin eater!

Episode- Garage Conversion

DogBoy Here!

Well, Pete and I are definitely making up for the lull in videos in November... what is this, the sixth one in a week?

I did mention that we had a bunch of raw footage in the can, ready for processing... and this one had the oldest footage in the bunch... some pics were taken almost a year ago! But we finally finished this project and I figured you all should see what was taking so long. I'm proud of it, and not just because it was created without plans, or even the simplest scrap of thought... but because I don't have a lot of experience in some of the other trades that went into the project. Like plumbing. For example, did you know that hot and cold water travel in SEPARATE pipes? Or that drains depend on gravity and the correct slope in the pipe carrying sewage away from the building? I tell you, THAT was an eye opener!

Well, enough jibber-jabber. Watch the video and let me know what you think. Responses are encouraged, even those which point out our flaws. But when you do criticize us, be sure to include your email address... and your home address, and your detailed schedule, and anything you might be allergic to. No reason...

Lunch Dogs 7- Vegetable Soup

More Soup?

Hell yeah... it's WINTER!  And because it's chilly out, you would expect me not to have such trouble keeping veggies from going bad. But time being what it is, inexorable and all that, my favorite greens just don't stand a chance. Well, maybe one chance. And I'm going to show that to you as soon as you click the little 'play' triangle down at the lower left. Don't forget that these new browser windows I'm using can expand to full screen with the click of a well-positioned mouse, so you don't have to wheel in the old Fresnel magnifier  for this one.

Yes, once cooked, the vegetables are safe from decline. Not only that, but you'd be hard-pressed to determine which ones were the older ones to begin with. And while this isn't the best descriptive lead-in for a cooking show... take my word for it, the soup tastes GOOD.

Lunch Dogs 6- Chicken Soup

Freezin' And Famished!

Please... no wisecracks. While it's true that we live in a warm climate, rarely experiencing outdoor temperatures that even approach freezing, we can still feel cold. Even though we're both from the New England states and were used to snowy winters, skiing and snowboarding, we have acclimated to our transplanted home and now can both sense a spine-numbing chill. And this winter in Los Angeles promises to be one of the worst on record-- why, last week the overnight temperatures plunged into the 50's... the FIFTIES! I don't know about you, but I think nobody should have to put up with that kind of arctic deep freeze! Why, going to 7-11 to pick up some hot chocolate and mini-marshmallows the other night, I had to double up on t-shirts and slip into my warmest jeans cutoffs! Brr!

Now you understand why we had to abandon the unheated shop in favor of warmer climes... the Lunch Dogs kitchens. This time we bring an episode so hot it'll make you think back to this past summer's Beach Dogs Episode-- where we bring together ingredients both common and secret to try and recreate my momma's recipe for chicken soup. Hers was so good my teachers preferred I bring a bowl of it to them as a suckup device rather than the more traditional crisp red apple-- they said it kept the doctor away. I'm inclined to believe them. Try it yourself and tell me if it raises your own core temperature-- I hear it can be nippy in Miami this time of year...

Episode- 100,000 LP Record Shelves

Zweegle & Fark, At Your Service:

You know how sometimes you'll be telling your five year old a bedtime story when you go off-book for awhile, and before long everyone your child knows becomes a cast member in the slumber tale? Well, last night yours truly became Zweegle the Eagle, and Peter became the Dark Fark in his child's nighttime circumlocutical fantasy. No, I don't know what that word means either. All I can say is we dug in the sand at the beach down below the water line to find a series of misadventures leading to the lost city of Phunkeytown.

All of this, however, has zero to do with today's Bench Dogs episode. Oddly enough, this episode is the very first one we filmed once we came up with the idea to pass on our knowledge, before we even had the name Bench Dogs! (tm)  Sad but true. Funny how some projects get put to the side for awhile, only to be pursued with fire down the road, don't you think?  The can crusher creation comes sorely to mind... when am I even going to release a Can Crusher update, never mind designing a working model?

But Peter, bless his heart, put together a mini episode-- more of a trailer, actually-- based on this footage, long ago. You might recognize a few seconds of video here and there.  No complaints-- this is not a repeat, and it's not a flashback episode. It's new. I swear.

Episode- Rescuing The BureauDresser

Pete and Bruce At Your Service:

You gotta thank the unhandy people of Los Angeles for this episode. There we were, minding our own businesses, when a rickety old piece of junk furniture from circa 1955 fell out of a third floor window and landed at our feet. Sure, it was crap. Yeah, it was falling apart. Of course it was lonely and unwanted. Whyever else would we be interested in it?

So a few days worth of TLC (Tender Loving Carpentry) later, and this box of squeaks and creaks became a functional, usable member of somebody's family, firmly holding on to their undergarments in a way  that would, for anyone else, be viewed as a little clingy... but for this Dresser, or Bureau, or Chest of Drawers, or Tallboy (or whatever it is), it's just called Doing Your Job. Way to go, BureauDresserDrawerBoy!